I know I’m not up with trends, but even at my age, I just heard about a Celebration of Life. I learned about funerals at a young age, but A Celebration of Life sounds so much better than Funeral. Today we like to re-brand something that’s existed all along. Just add a catchy name and it’s “new”.

Shouldn’t A Celebration of Life take place while someone is still alive?

The Grumpy Retiree

When someone croaks it seems a little late to celebrate their life. It makes no sense to have a party when the main participant is dead. Those in attendance may feel better, but the dead person seldom wakes and joins in the lively banter and celebration. Shouldn’t A Celebration of Life take place while someone is still alive? A touching sendoff is nice, but why wait until the last minute plus 1.

I guess a funeral just doesn’t cut it any more despite having Fun in it’s name. Not to mention with just a little rearranging of letters “Funeral” becomes “Real Fun”. Someone many years ago, with an interesting sense of humor, was sending a message. Real Fun actually seems what a Celebration of Life is shooting for.

Now You Have a Party for Me?

As a kid, this is how I remember funerals. After shaking of hands, crying and church, everyone went to one big party. That is the best way I can describe my first few funerals. I was a little confused, but there was food and booze and people were smiling and eating. Maybe nobody liked the “dearly departed” and was glad they were gone? What we lacked was a catchy name, funeral had to suffice. But damn it was a Celebration of Life, especially if you were lucky enough to be Italian or Irish. I’m surprised family members didn’t kill each other just for the party afterwards.

I see little difference between a funeral and A Celebration of Life. Just a feel good name. That’s especially true on everyone’s favorite place to shop … Amazon. If you search “Funeral” vs. “Celebration of Life” you get 9000 vs 4000 products. Clearly Funeral is beating out Celebration of Life, and Amazon has you covered.

There Always is a Sales Opportunity!

The items for sale on Amazon are virtually identical. Things to attach a much younger looking picture. Or a plaque telling the dearly beloved something you never told them while they were alive. My favorites were from a store called 321Done. I honestly thought “what an appropriate name for funeral stuff”. Like 321Dead or 321Gone. Turns out 321Done, from my observation, sells pieces of paper and index cards and not just for the dead. This is far from the first time I have absolutely no clue what someplace sells based on their name. But that is a story for another time.

I’m sure I am missing something here as usual. To me 321Done just sends you some index cards to scribble your memory. Being cheap I’d dig up an old recipe card from my wife and jot my thoughts on the opposite side. I’d use a recipe I don’t care much for, solving 2 problems at once. If the recipient does not like my loving memory they at least have a recipe for Avocado Spaghetti with Red Sauce & Creamed Corn.

Good Riddance

A Celebration of Life must be difficult if the dearly departed wasn’t dearly. If you were mildly miserable all your life, I imagined all this celebration stuff is simply skipped over. No Obituary. No Funeral. No Celebration of Life. And definitely no Real Fun. The strange thing is when someone miserable croaks, people go out of their way to say something nice. I think they do it out of a sense of god fearing or simply fear of the unknown. Just in case any omnipotent power is listening, they don’t want a blemish on their permanent record.

You see, talking poorly about someone that was nice when they are dead makes little sense. They were Nice! Even if you did share a harsh word they would let it slide. A miserable person is coming for you right from the grave. That is the fear, a hand reaching through the ground right for your neck.

Whether you believe in the afterlife or not, you may as well hedge you bets. You find something nice to say. “He had nice hair, too bad he burned his father’s house down.” “She really was crafty, it took the police 3 days to catch her.” Something that is the essence of A Celebration of Life.

Ding Dong The Witch is Dead

Leaving nothing to chance, I feel I should put in writing my grumpy version of a Celebration of Life. I don’t expect anybody will accept that task when I am gone.