My wife and I vacationed in Maine for over 40 years, primarily Downeast on Mt. Desert Island at Acadia National Park. Buying this house near Acadia was very exciting and a longtime dream come true. You have the ocean and mountains, hiking, Bar Harbor, wild blueberries and balsam. No, it’s not Venice with its bright canals or the outrageous splendor of Gaudi’s Barcelona. Acadia’s charm is much more sublime and sneaks up on you. It arrives like the fog that frequently blankets the sea and envelopes Acadia’s mountains on an early Maine Autumn morning. There is an underlying magic which slowly pulls you in. Mt. Desert is a place you have to explore and dig deeper, time and time again. More important, when we are in Maine we are happy and I am looking forward to Summer Downeast Maine in retirement.

Tiny House or Park Model Home?

Two months after I retired, I find myself driving 18 hours alone to Maine from North Carolina. My wife was not accompanying me still being about 1 year from her retirement. Neither of us anticipated living apart for 5 months our first summer after I retired, but that was precisely what happened. I arrived after a day and a half of driving to figure out the house in the early morning daylight. In my possession were about 10 keys and the house address. I also knew what the place looked like, how hard could this be?

Our Tiny House is actually a Park Model Home or RV. You impress no one with a Park Model RV. Conversely if you tell them it is a Tiny House it sounds trendy and romantic. Publicity is the major difference between a Tiny House and a Park Model Home. If you make a TV show about a “Tiny House” then everyone has a shit fit all of a sudden and wants one. For all the trend setters, you are late to the party again.

Situated at a campground, our home is 399 square feet of highfalutin living with a nice big sun room attached. If you are not familiar with Park Model homes, they are a mobile home designed to be transported to a site, frequently a campground. Once delivered the home is plunked down upon cinder blocks on a flat gravel foundation. Although you can moved a Park Model Home, for all practical purposes once plunked it stays plunked.

First Impressions

Soon upon arrival the house needed to be de-winterized or maybe summerized. Or since it was springtime, maybe Sprung Open is the appropriate term. I fiddled between the 10 keys and 3 doors for longer than one should. The process certainly would have been streamlined had I kept logical track of which key I tried in which door. Regardless the swearing and mumbling was good fun and I got inside before someone reported me as breaking and entering.

Though 399 square feet doesn’t sound like a lot of room I felt comfortable and at home damn fast. People call me many other colorful adjectives besides grumpy. Crabby (a close 2^nd to grumpy), grouchy, moody and cheap. These words are just how my wife lovingly describes me, others are typically way more colorful. Upon entering this tiny house I was actually happy. Maybe my heart grew 3 sizes like the Grinch, another name hurled my way. Regardless I liked this place where I will spend my first summer in Maine.

Once inside I poked around checking out the general living quarters I would call home for the next 5 months. Since I am a minimalist at heart this house had exactly what is needed and no more. We have a kitchen equipped with a full stove, refrigerator and dining table. There is a small bedroom with a queen sized bed and plenty of closet storage. Included in the living room resides a designer couch which my wife despises and I love, a TV and electric fireplace. Located above are double lofts for sleeping or can act as separate fighting levels when needed. Most important is the small bathroom with a sink, shower/tub and indoor crapper.

The SSSS Bathroom

The bathroom in a house this size is incredibly important. Smaller RVs have what I call an SSSS or Sit Shit Shower Shave bathroom. I am certain the nice people in advertising at Winnebago don’t refer to it that way. Honestly, I don’t know all the intricate acrobatics and contortions of the SSSS. I only heard about the SSSS second hand when I decided this was not for me.

In essence you Sit (on the crapper) to do just about everything, Shit (in the crapper), Shower (while on the crapper) and Shave (while holding your nose on the crapper.) That may not be true, maybe you have a beard and don’t need to shave, but that is my take on it and I was having none of it. Someone more knowledgeable about the proper use and terminology could correct all my mistakes here. I just knew I didn’t want this type of bathroom for myself.

Finally I got to the next order of business and started de-winterizing the cottage. This includes flushing the anti-freeze out of the water lines and closing off the water heater outlet. You then turn some secretly hidden valves I couldn’t find as quickly as I had hoped. Once all the water lines are secure you attach a water hose and filter to the house. Lastly, hook up the electricity, which simply means plug your house in. I completed everything quickly with only minor mishaps.

First Repair

I decided that I should check all the water line fittings for leaks. My previous work as an engineer told me something needs to go wrong, so I started to look. Low and behold, as luck would have it, there is a small drip in the water heater line at the valve. Now I am fairly handy, so repairing a small leak should not be an issue. The problem is the secretly located valve is in an access area under the stairs and this is a tiny house which has a very tiny access door.

The problem with a leak is if it knows you are watching it’s like a pot of boiling water, it won’t burst. A leak has a life all it’s own. Pay attention to a leak and it will just slowly drip and lull you to sleep. Once a leak realizes you are no longer watching is exactly when the action starts. Go to the ocean for the day and the pipe will certainly burst. Arriving home you have a nice flood, in this case in the bedroom.

911 Send Rescue Team To Tiny House

The small access door to the dripping valve is about 18 inches wide and 30 inches tall. Why the fine people that designed this house could not see fit to make this door a few inches wider and taller is beyond all my comprehension. Do they employ children to install these valves?

While I am not a large guy I am wider than 18 inches. No matter how much I suck in my stomach I am not going to fit. As it was, I could barely reach inside to turn the valve, let alone perform the cutting and crimping required. Attempting this repair convinced me my living space would be reduced from 399 square feet to 3 cubic feet. Next I am vividly picturing the rescue personnel hovering over me with the jaws of life. Everyone laughing, taking pictures and posting them online just before I am freed. Wisely I called a service person as I didn’t want to end retirement before it starts.

A young guy arrived quickly to make the water line repair. I assume he was in the area extracting someone stuck in an access door but I refrained from asking to see the pictures. He was a good 30 years younger and 30 pounds lighter than me and actually squeezed himself into the cramped space. What I did not understand was the lack of a proper string of profanities. Not a single Damn, Son of a Bitch or Who The #@!@# was mumbled. What is happening to this world? Regardless, the repair was done in no time.

Summer In Maine: Already Settled In

With the repair completed and the bill paid, I explored the campground and area. Located a short walk away is a large dog park, a campground store and a pool. Soon I am at the bay for a closer look. Dropping down a short path there is a small rocky landing. I would not dare call this a beach, but it does afford you a place to launch a canoe or kayak or just explore the mud flats at low tide. Adjacent are many large granite rocks available for sitting so one can admire the view overlooking Mt. Desert Island. Rising directly in the background are Cadillac, Pemetic and Sargent Mountains all proudly showing off.

All I need is a glass of wine, some music and this view on a nice Maine summer evening. Retirement now has something else to do.